Marriage in Africa is much more than a romantic union. It is a cultural event, a spiritual bond, and a community celebration. Nowhere is this more beautifully demonstrated than in Ilorin, the capital of Kwara State, Nigeria, where Yoruba tradition, Islamic faith, and Fulani heritage come together in a colourful, spiritual, and enduring wedding experience.
From the first steps of courtship to the final festive farewell, an Ilorin wedding is a symphony of rituals, family values, and timeless traditions, handed down from generation to generation, yet gracefully evolving with the times.
A Fusion of Faith, Family, and Heritage
In Ilorin, marriage is never just about two people. It is about two families, sometimes two entire clans coming together in harmony. The cultural diversity of Ilorin, shaped by its Yoruba roots and Fulani-Islamic influences, makes every wedding a melting pot of rituals, each one deeply symbolic and often spiritual.
Itoro Iyawo – The Request for a Bride
The journey begins long before the wedding day. Traditionally, in Fulani culture, marriages were arranged sometimes even at birth with families making future marital plans for their children. As the girl comes of age, her suitor’s family makes a formal request for her hand in marriage, known as Itoro Iyawo.
In modern Ilorin, while young people often choose their partners themselves, the customs remain respected. The groom’s family conducts background checks and seeks spiritual guidance sometimes consulting clerics for prayers and advice. Once convinced, two respected elders are sent to formally ask for the bride’s hand from her family. This request is a symbol of honour and begins the journey of merging two families.
Esi – The Reply
Ilorin families especially of Fulani heritage seldom respond instantly. The proposal is discussed with uncles, aunts, and the bride herself. Though respectful of family decisions, the bride's consent is often quietly sought. Once the bride’s family accepts the marriage request (itoro iyawo), they inform the groom’s family, who then offer s’alubarika, a symbolic gift of kolanuts and cash to express gratitude and prayers for a blessed union. The number of kolanuts varies; often, 32 are sent, delivered by two male emissaries.
In return, the bride’s family gives back two kolanuts and a token amount of cash, a gesture known as tukunsi. The rest is shared among family members, quietly announcing that the young woman has now been spoken for. Before invitation cards, this was the traditional wedding notice.
Idupe / Momi nmo e – Thanksgiving and Introduction
Once consent is secured, both families come together in a joyful thanksgiving visit, acknowledging the agreement with heartfelt gratitude. This is more than a formality, it marks the beginning of a lasting bond between two families. Gifts may be exchanged, prayers offered, and for the first time, the groom’s family might catch a glimpse of the bride-in-waiting.
Sisa – The Traditional “Flight” of the Bride
One of the most intriguing aspects of Ilorin weddings is the traditional bride's “flight” a symbolic rite of passage. On the eve of the wedding, before dawn prayers, the bride secretly leaves her father’s home for her aunt’s house. In the past, she would carry a small knife to fend off wild animals; today, the act is ceremonial.
This aunt, a trusted mentor, counsels and prepares the bride emotionally and spiritually for her new life. Guests visit her in this “sanctuary” where food is served, and prayers are said. By evening, with confidence restored, the bride returns home to the sound of drumming and jubilation, sometimes riding on horseback like royalty.
Laali – The Henna Night
That night, a beauty ritual begins. Known as Laali or henna night, the bride and her female companions decorate their hands and feet with intricate designs using henna paste from the Lawsonia inermis tree. This traditional make-up symbolizes beauty, purity, and spiritual preparation for her new life. It’s a night of music, dancing, and bonding filled with laughter and storytelling.
Ijo Olomo Oba – The Royal Dance
If the bride comes from a royal Fulani family, she is welcomed back from Sisa with the exclusive “Ijo Olomo Oba” a royal dance performed by women using inverted calabashes in mortars filled with water. Once entertainers of the Emir, these women now perform at special weddings to honour tradition. It is blues music at its finest, deeply cultural and profoundly moving.
Aisun – The Bridal Eve
Aisun is the wedding eve, marked by music, dance, and emotional farewells. Friends of the bride perform the Kengbe (drum made from guord) dance, followed by the arrival of waka singers, who sing poetic advice to the bride urging her to be wise, respectful, and a good wife. In modern times, this is sometimes replaced or enriched with lectures by Islamic clerics, adding spiritual depth to the celebration.
Walimah – Quranic Display and Honour
Before the wedding, brides who attended Quranic schools may perform a recitation of Suratul Fatiha and Suratul Baqarah as a testimony to their Islamic upbringing. This tradition, known as Walimah, is a proud moment for the bride’s family, showcasing both religious discipline and moral grounding.
Nikkah – The Islamic Marriage Ceremony
The most important moment is the Nikkah, the religious ceremony that consummates the marriage. The groom’s family presents a tray, Igba Yigi, with symbolic gifts: a Quran, prayer kettle, prayer mat, veil, and rosary.
The bride price, called Sadaaki, is announced, and with the Imam’s Khutbah al-Nikah and prayers, the couple is declared husband and wife. It is dignified, spiritual, and solemn, a moment when tradition, religion, and love come together.
Ere Osan – The Colourful Afternoon Party
After the Nikkah comes the Ere Osan a grand open-air reception. With food, music, and lavish display, this is Ilorin’s answer to the famous “owambe”. Guests are celebrated, the couple is honoured, and the bride’s mother dances proudly among friends and family. This party is not just merrymaking; in line with prophetic tradition, the event serves to publicly announce the union.
Gbigba Iyawo – Taking the Bride Home
The groom’s family comes joyfully to request their bride, singing the popular Ilorin chorus:
“Ebawa mu’yawo wa, Anabi la I be’yin, omi nbe l’ehinkule wa, iyawo o r’odo mo o.”
(“Please give us our wife, we beg in the name of the Prophet. We have water in our backyard; she need not go to the stream anymore.”)
However, the bride remains in her father’s house that night. Before dawn the next day, with tears in her eyes, she receives final blessings from her parents. Then, in a deeply symbolic moment, she is handed not to the groom, but to his father, who first sought her hand.
Ide – Brass Ornaments and Ancient Customs
In ancient times, brides were given brass ornaments on their wrists and ankles to discourage them from fleeing arranged marriages. Today, these ornaments are worn purely for tradition and beauty, not coercion. Still, the symbolic “weight” of the commitment is clear, the bride is stepping into a lifelong journey.
Maga – Returning to Say Thank You
Three days after the wedding, the bride returns to her family home for Maga, a touching farewell visit. She thanks her parents for the love, upbringing, and the wedding they gave her. Her husband joins her, bearing a bowl of soup made from a whole goat, a traditional gift of appreciation to the bride’s parents. At this point, her new household goods (Igba Iyawo) are sent to her home, ensuring she begins her new life with dignity, provision, and honour.
Conclusion: A Marriage Built to Last
An Ilorin wedding, like most African wedding, is not just a social event, it is a spiritual and cultural rite of passage. Every dance, every gift, every prayer is a thread in the tapestry of a marriage designed to last. Though modern influences have added sparkle and style, the core values remain unchanged: faith, family, love, respect, and unity.
To witness a traditional Ilorin wedding is to step into a world where love is community, marriage is legacy, and culture is alive in every drumbeat, prayer, and celebration.
It is bold, beautiful, and built to last.